A Man's place

Our journey through life has taken some interesting growth lately through both some extremely intense scenes and exploration of cuckqueaning my property. The energy is positive and good. The discoveries and the opening of yet more doors when you walk through one is amazing.

The cuckqueaning has taken one of the few places that my girl felt that she had control, but now she has none. I met a woman online, seduced her, met her, played with her and then came back to my girl. She had to wait, in a particularly cruel and degrading manner, for me to finish and then "clean up". It should be noted that the woman knew of my girl, knew of the situation and the things that were going on. My girl had no ability to stop it, no say-so beyond telling me where her mental state was. It was like the rollercoaster, once you get to the crest of the hill and start to go down - the ride is on.

The interesting thing was, as a Sadist, I missed out on a great deal of my girl's suffering. My girl wanted to suffer during this and I obliged her in very cruel ways. She reveled in it, although she'll also freely admit that it was extremely difficult. The problem was, I had no way of being a part of that energy! You see, as a Sadist, I feed on the suffering and pain and emotions that roil from her when she's being hurt. We both get into an energy loop where we feed on each other. In this situation, while I had my sexual lusts fulfilled, and in my mind I "knew" she was suffering, I couldn't feel it. Once I got back home, although I degraded her further, it was almost like coming in after the main orgasm. In a way, that's pretty damn funny.

Having taken those first steps, we're now about to play with another woman/couple who may become a more regular partner and a part of my Ownership. Interesting - her husband is a cuckold, she's submissive - in some ways, I'll be adding him as well - I control how he can be with his wife.

Cucking my girl with "sl" is extremely fun - we've done it in a "threesome" sense but this time, it's truly going to be me enjoying "sl" in front of my girl with my attention only on "sl" and my girl there only to be cucked and help in my pleasure. And now she'll also be aware that she has no control in "sl" serving me sexually. Before, I was more aware of her mindset - that was me gaining the trust that I wasn't going to have a piece of property suddenly in a bad state and freaking out - now I know she wants this, so I can go to those places.

Kind of interesting how we're (re)discovering what many Men and women took for granted awhile back - and still do in some cultures.

IML

We don't go out to many events, but our leather family is very involved in IML (International Mr. Leather). This year was a particularly good year for fellowship and fun. It's always enjoyable to get away for a few days and recharge the batteries in that way.

Attitude and mindset are everything

If there is one key element to my philosophy and way of owning a human female, it is that attitude and mindset are everything. Bad attitude, wandering mindset, lack of attention - all of these will undermine and destroy the carefully constructed scaffold that both parties have consented to. I believe in dealing with those situations quickly and with the goal of returning to a good mindset/attitude.

I am human, as is my property, and we will all make mistakes. We all have our bad moments, we all have our times when we don't do as well as we should. However, even within those failings, one maintains the attitude and mindset appropriate to their place. If I screw up, I don't lose control, I don't go into mindless fits and become something I'm not. I take responsibility for my actions, I attempt to learn from the mistake and I try to not do it again. When my property makes mistakes, I look for similar responses from her. Take responsibility, make amends (or accept consequences) and learn from it. I expect an attitude that supports those actions. Does that mean I expect sunshine and faked happiness? No - but at the same time, out and out lack of control, or bad attitude, bad mindset is a bad thing. It's taken me a long time to learn these lessons and to learn how to deal with them.

I'm a very lucky Owner in that my girl is well matched for me. She does genuinely care about her mindset and attitude and 99% of the time, she pleases me with those things. There are those times when that is not the case, and these are the times when I have to step up, accept that things are not going to be pleasant and deal with the situation. Alot of times, the bad attitude/mindset can be attributed to external reasons and just a lapse in her attention to her place. I do deal with it swiftly when it occurs because a bad attitude/mindset can take hold and cause a lot of unecessary friction and trouble - a woman can create a huge tarball of "why isn't he correcting me" and "how far can I go with this" and that just is bad news.

A quick and prompt correction, usually just verbal, will usually do it for us. There are those times, though, when she will get a "little crazy" and I have found that swift, firm and *reasonable* responses work well. This usually involves, and you will laugh - but it works, a "time out". I've sent my girl to her room, I've put her on a chair or in a corner to think about it. I can feel the steaming and the anger and all of the emotions that are broiling within her that caused the slip in attitude/mindset in the first place - but I've put her in a place to deal with them in a quiet setting where she can regain her control and her place. That is key.

Going off and yelling doesn't work. It just escalates. I prefer to have the girl centered and focused, so the time-out achieves that. That also allows ME the time to take a deep breath, focus and concentrate on what's important and what I want the outcome of the situation to be. That way, when I confront her with the slip in attitude/mindset, I am focused and in control and know where I want things to go. Additionally, I save correction/consequences (or in rare cases, punishment) for after we've both calmed down and for after when I've spoken with her on the situation. And I always end the correction/consequence with a physical touch and a reminder that I'm done with this situation, it's over and now it's time to learn and move on.

In almost every single case, I've seen a return to a positive mindset very soon afterwards.

Now obviously, alot of this is dependent on dynamics and how well Owner/property communicates. She needs to communicate well enough about what is going on that is causing the mindset/attitude problems, and I need to communicate well enough about what I want and how I feel about it. My goal is always to improve and go beyond the situation. I find very little benefit to punitive discussions of "you did this and that" and harping on it. I'll point out the problem and then how to move beyond it.

I'm a lucky Owner, though - I can count on one hand and have many fingers left over of how many times I've had to deal with this. I hope that if you have questions about this, or you want to share your own experiences, you will. I'm curious to see if I'm a lone voice in the wilderness here.

Resistance is futile

At some point, you will have to take control and say "It will be this way."

You will get the shit storm. You will get the cryings and poutings and even the yellings and the throwing of objects.

There are ways to deal with them all, but in all things - be consistent, be in control and understand that she wants you to be in control. A woman, in this case a submissive or slave woman, is an emotional creature and she will run rampant with those emotions.

If they get too much, put her in her place. Send her to her room. Put her at your feet. Put her under your chair. Put her somewhere so she can process, she can feel your dominance and she can understand that while you both form the ship, your hand is the one on the tiller.

Yes, you will note at no point did I say 'punish her'. There's a time for correction and a time for punishment. In this case, it's more about reminding her of the bedrock of the relationship.

The storm will pass. You will be able to talk to her. She will learn that indeed, resistance is futile.

The enjoyment of cruelty and excess hedonism

I've been around the block a time or two, enough to know this typical
scenario: Sadist/Dominant meets masochist/slave, S/D puts on the
"show" for m/s, they become a "couple", Real Life grinds away, m/s
wonders where the S/D went, S/D wonders where m/s went, the two drift
apart...

Something I try to always keep in the back of my head is exactly why I
agreed to own my property: because she SERVES, because she exists to
BE HURT and because I CAN hurt her in the exact ways I enjoy.

Life will grind you down. You will date, you will have the New
Relationship Energy, you will have all those reasons that this lovely
piece of shit agreed to become your slave in the first place - and yet
perhaps in a few years, you'll wonder "Where did it all go?" and you
may not know that she's wondering the same thing.

It happens to all of us, even myself, which is why I try my damnedest
to go back to the basics when I can. That doesn't mean that we're not
going to work each day, dealing with all that we have to deal with -
which in my House is quite a bit right now - but being able to put her
in her place is able to happen simply because I remember the reasons
she came to me asking to be my property.

I'm currently making my piece of shit suffer, and by that, I mean
truly suffer. She's suffering emotionally, mentally and she has been
suffering physically. Her head is exactly in the lowered place where
she craves to be. Her cunt is constantly throbbing. Her ass is sore
and bruised, her tits are sensitive to the touch and her mind is
awhirl. If all goes well, she is going to suffer this weekend in yet
more exquisite ways, as I go off on our first separate cuckquean event
- an event she's set up in full knowledge of what I'm going to do with
the other woman.

And note, I say "piece of shit" with all the enjoyment and care that I
give to my most prized possession - and yet with the full knowledge of
how humiliated and yet how fulfilled she is to know that I will refer
to her as that to others, as much as I say that to her face.

Reactions and tidbits

I'm somewhat surprised that I've gotten little to no reaction or inquiry from Men or women about the cucking of my girl. It's been my experience that the subject can be a trigger for many, and an eyebrow raiser for others. Of course, my lack of regular posting means that not many will see these thoughts, but I had anticipated an amount of flaming that, pleasantly, didn't come.

Of course, having now said that, I'll get flamed. *chuckle*

It does make my "search" a bit difficult - I anticipate that most women who might be open to casual sex would not want to participate in cucking another woman. I find that ironic since there are women who will have sex with a man who is cheating without the wife knowing, so the distinction is amusing. This is a situation where the potential for drama is greatly decreased, as the wife *wants* the man to sleep around. Hm. Perhaps it comes down to relationship politics versus sex politics - in the first situation, perhaps it's because the woman has a hope that the man will leave the wife for her?

Hmm.

Unrelated to the cucking, but of equal importance to me has been our increased amount of activity with our leather family and friends. It is going well and I find myself coming out of my self-imposed shell and enjoying the company of others again. I still find that at the crux of the issue, I do not relate to the vast majority of heterosexual Men, but I do enjoy socializing.

That's an interesting subject as to "why" I don't relate, but I think it's more about the approach I have with property than anything else. It's less and more than just "beating and fucking" - even if that's the physical expression that things take.

Anyway, I'm rambling and I don't like doing that on a blog post.

I'd like to express my happiness to the Heron Clan in hearing that the recovery from surgery is going well. I wish them all well.

Exquisite Suffering

Most Sadists and masochists I know speak of the physical pain and suffering that they experience. I think a road less travelled is emotional pain and suffering.

I've spoken earlier about my cuckqueaning experiences with my girl. Although we've not had a chance to engage in that with the couple we've played with previously, we've been exploring the suffering and emotional pain aspects through my searches for NSA sex. Surprisingly difficult, as the Internets are filled with hundreds times more spammers than actual legitemate seekers, but also a journey of communication and of Sadism through just simply looking for other women to fuck.

My girl suffers through this, and yet this is exactly the pain and suffering she wants and needs. This is dangerous territory, as I have to on one hand be cruel and callous, looking at profiles and pictures of other women and doing it so that SHE KNOWS I'm considering fucking them. She watches me and is fully exposed to the communication - she has all the passwords and user IDs of the places I go. I know her curiosity may take her there and I know how she'll suffer when she sees my activities and communications.

Yet at the end of the day, she knows I do all of these things for my pleasure - and that her suffering and her pain is far more important to me than the pleasure of a piece of fuckmeat. I can get pussy - but to experience the sweet taste of a woman who suffers mightily, but puts her head on my knee in submission, who sucks my cock to thank me for having made her watch and wait while I look for other women, who is made to beg me to find and fuck other women so that I'll cum in her - these are sadistic experiences that are sublime and the most fulfilling for me.

Still, dangerous territory because she needs the bedrock of the ownership and the stability that she knows her place is safe and secure, that although she is lowered to the most humiliating and degrading of depths that a woman could be taken, she is MINE and she is owned and cherished for exactly those things she gives me.

If I screw up, if I don't have/put her in the place she needs to be, she'll flail in the wind and she'll be in a bad place. I know where her mind is, and this has happened through years of us being together - I know where/how to put her and I know where the breaking point is. The funny thing is, that point keeps moving back the more we explore, so I have to stay on top of it.

Amazing times that my girl and I are having these days... and if I can manage to find fuck buddies, she's going to experience far more.